TACKLING THE SEXUAL STIGMA: Experiences of STIs, UTIs and Testing

Photo by: @sedated

Hiiiii,

I've been looking forward to getting this post up for a while as although only being a small project, it's taught me so much. A young adult is diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection (STI) every four minutes in England yet it's a topic barely ever spoken about. Most, if not all, of my close friends are "sexually active" yet I can only recall one instance (until I announced this post) of a friend talking to me about actually going to get tested for an STI. Why?

I decided to create after listening to a Pillow Talk podcast (highly recommend) from Eileen Kelly (@killerandasweetthang) discussing herpes and how it's viewed so negatively still within society. I began to think about STIs and all of the other not-so-great realities of sex (such as UTIs) and how little they are spoken about. I decided for the main body of this post to come from people's experiences of being tested or diagnosed as an attempt to create a slightly more open discussion regarding the topic and to maybe help at least one person realise getting tested doesn't prove anything other than responsibility. It is something that can prevent many health implications for you or your partners; it should be celebrated we have such access to these services and the process should be normalised, not seen as something daunting and threatening. 

Testing

• "Fearing that you have an STI can be a really frightening and embarrassing experience. You know in your head that the clinics have seen it all and don’t know you as a person to judge, yet you still feel dirty just being there. Sitting talking to one of the professionals, while in front of her was the swab I had to put where a swab should never have to go, while she asked in detail about my sexual and relationship history, was enough to make me want the ground to swallow me whole. I know it is just their job, but living in a society in which talking about sex in any context is so frowned upon meant that answering anything from ‘when was the last time you had sex?’ to ‘what kind of sex do you have?’ is something I would not wish on anyone, and that should not be the case. However, what people should realise is, is that it's not the clinic or the health professionals that make the experience daunting, it's the fear of being judged by society after you get the results or he mindset of society that I should be considered dirty for needing to be tested, even though sex is a completely normal human act" 

• "I just got tested for the first time at the age of 20. Despite having an active sex life before then, I constantly put off going with the excuse that if I don’t have symptoms, then there’s surely nothing wrong. The real reason is the “fear” that I imagine most gay men have when they are putting off testing, that being the fear of having HIV. That HIV could be the result of testing made it seem as if the process itself was something just as scary. In actual fact, when I finally went, it was not as invasive as I’d imagined, super quick and judgement-free. I had this idea that the staff might judge my lax habits when it comes to contraception and regular testing, or even the fact that I’m gay. My nurse was actually really jovial, cracked jokes and had me tested for EVERYTHING in the space of 10 minutes. I also learned that gay men are now being offered the HPV vaccine that girls usually get when they’re early teens. What I gained from finally getting tested, beyond the obvious, was that it is a super easy and non-invasive process… and that sexual health nurses really couldn’t care less what your practices are or what your orientation is. They just want you to be safe."

Getting Diagnosed

• "The first time I got tested was a few weeks after I’d had sex for the first time, and was actually not by choice. After a trip to the clinic for emergency contraception (...a drunken mistake), I also got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhoea, just as protocol. As I’d only ever had sex with one person which results could be accounted for, (it takes up to 2 weeks for an infection to show up on a test) I assumed I was in no risk of contracting an STI, as the boy I first slept with was someone who I was close with and trusted, which I still do today. I was super unlucky and tested positive for chlamydia, but after a simple course of antibiotics I got the all clear soon enough. Never in a million years did I think I’d be at risk of testing positive, and had believed the general stereotype that only people who ‘slept around’ ended up getting STI’s. I also thought something like chlamydia was super dangerous and nasty, but it was honestly nothing of the sort; I didn’t have symptoms which is so common. It made me completely change my perception on how STI’s are viewed, and most importantly made me realise just how important getting tested is. Now, I’m so safe when it comes to unprotected sex, and always get tested a few weeks after a new partner. It is so easy and there is completely no judgement in it at all, from doctors, nurses, or other patients at your local sexual health clinic. You can also get tested at home via a swab being sent to your home and you sending it off, if waiting an hour or so for an appointment doesn’t fit in your busy schedule. It really is, and should be treated, as just a usual health check up. However I would recommend, don’t rely on getting tested all the time and hope for the best, stay as safe as you can! From personal experience, it’s not worth the hassle" 

• "It was quite recently that I found out I had chlamydia. I hadn't been to get tested in about 18 months and I'd only slept with 3 people within that time so I guess because I wasn't "sleeping around", getting tested after every partner wasn't really in my mind! (something which definitely will be now). I ended up having a kidney infection, and the nurse asked me if I wanted to get tested and I didn't really think anything of it and a week later I got a phone call saying my test had came back positive for chlamydia. And because I hadn't had sex with that many people I was able to trace back and find out who gave it to me, and turns out I had the infection for 3 months before I found out. 
  I remember feeling really sick and unclean within myself after I found out, and the first thing I did was take a shower almost as if that would get rid of it somehow? It brought my mood really low and I thought less of myself for catching it. But then I knocked some sense into myself and remembered how common it is, especially with university students and young people in general. I ended up telling my housemate about it who caught it last year and she was just laughing about it with me and telling me how it was completely fine and nothing to worry about. I genuinely believe that the reason I felt so gross with myself was due to the way other people talk about STIs and the attitude society has towards those who've had/have one. It's upsetting because if people can be so judgemental towards those who have caught chlamydia, which is really common and treated within a week, how are those with long-term or untreatable infections meant to feel about themselves? 
  Lucky for me I have really supportive friends and family who told me it was okay, didn't judge me and could have a laugh about the whole thing with me! But I have definitely came across people growing up who associate STIs with sleeping around and being "dirty". Even I have thought that when I was younger before educating myself on the situation! And I've definitely learnt that you should always get tested after a new partner, especially if you don't use protection because a one night stand can cause damage!"

UTIs

• "After starting my new relationship and becoming more intimate, I started to notice water infection type symptoms, which had never happened to me before. After becoming more active within my sex life I kept getting UTIs directly after which was strange to me since I'd never experienced this before. I initially thought it may have been a symptom of an STI which scared me but instead, after numerous tests, the doctors gave me some pills to take which would simply aid the UTIs I'd been experiencing. The appointments were always comforting and made me feel confident in talking about the issues I was facing. These pills, while sorting out the immediate issue, didn't fix the bigger problem which turned out to be a potential allergy to his semen; something that in the long term can cause fertility issues. Many women have this issue and are  left undiagnosed with very similar symptoms due to not taking the steps to be tested."
  

There is nothing scary about the actual process of getting tested. With modern day medications there's nothing even really scary about getting diagnosed. Health professionals will want to help you and be understanding of the fact you are being sexually responsible. The real scary thing is the fact that still so many of us associate STIs and such with being 'dirty' or being a 'slut' when this isn't the case at all. We need to work as a society to rid this stigma and we can start this by being more open about the less appealing side to our sex lives. 

Finally to recap, getting tested doesn't make you dirty. Getting diagnosed doesn't make you dirty. Having. sex. doesn't. make. you. dirty. 

Hope you found this post useful and it got you thinking/ chatting. Remember if you have any thoughts or ideas you wish to put forward about the blog in general to email me or DM me. 

Thank you for reading as always! (and always pee after you've had sex lol)

Rxchz x